In The Future, Everyone Will Be Fat

It's true. You may not like it, but it's true. It starts innocently enough – more labour-saving devices that don't require you to work at anything, ordering everything from the internet straight to your home, and of course we'll have solved the energy crisis and still be driving everywhere.

Then eventually an industrial accident will pollute the atmosphere, confining us all to our homes. No-one will mind, of course, because by that time you'll be living in the virtual world of Second Life (or World of Warcraft. Or both.)

So, so far we have (a) house-bound and (b) addicted to video games.

Ah, of course. "Food" will be "nutrition" tablets, generated by a small machine set into the wall, and tasting like anything you want. Unfortunately, our biology won't have kept pace with technology, so even though one tablet contains enough energy for a whole day, our bodies don't realise it. They want to feel like they've eaten a solid meal, so until someone invents the expanding-foam pill in 2025, everyone eats far too much.

Not everything changes. An intrepid few (Nick among them) turn yoga into a highly ritualised form of kung-fu, and, on those occasions they're unable to outrun the six-foot-mutant dogs and house-cats, they challenge said beasts to hand-to-paw combat (upward-facing-dog takes on a whole new meaning.) Gradually and sadly, one-by-one, these intrepid souls are killed by the mutants, and the gene pool is eventually entirely fat people. The human race is doomed.

This is what you have to look forward to. Happy birthday, Nick.